Posted on April 21, 2022
Last updated on April 21, 2022
Well, it's been a while, but here it is, another blog post!
Now, you're probably thinking
"Wow, the site didn't get any meaningful updates in a good while, he's either very lazy
or he just straight up gave on the website after such a short time."
And the first part is kinda true, but there's so much going on in my life right now
And some of these things are actually pretty good, fortunately. I had a lot of time to
enjoy my time and myself, and one of the people I hated the most in here actually moved
moved away, and things have been looking up since then, not only that, but if I get a job
I might be able to take this house for myself, thus allowing for more liberty and a cleaner
enviroment to work around with anything I want, so things have been pretty good as of recently
Which is a very good contrast in comparision to a few weeks ago when I was feeling absolutely
destroyed. Things aren't perfect now, but at least it's something, it's all I could ask for.
But if I'm finally alone, and I'm feeling good, why don't I write more? Why isn't there any
new art or even new projects? Why the updates have stagnated so much as of recently?
And well, it's hard to explain, but it's something that happens with everyone at some point
or another in their lifes, at times, it happens at multiple points in their lifes
Which is that period in life where you don't know what you want for your future
When you don't know what you're doing or what you want to do anymore
When you're losing your passions, or your passion is just shifting away to other things
I've been sitting blankly at my screen at any attempts I've been making on trying to produce
new content, and it's not because I don't want to, but things are not clicking anymore, they
don't feel like second nature to me anymore, and it's been throwing me off really badly
Yes, I've been updating the site on a daily basis, since the daily stuff is updated by hand
But when it comes to actual content like new posts, new art or even new features, I've hit
a brick wall that simply refuses to break down, no matter how many hammers I slam into it
and the thing is, I could just start posting random thoughts and just typing random shit
into VIM and upload it to the site just for the sake of new content, but I always hated that
Everything I do, either it's mediocre or not, always has passion and effort into it, and if
I feel like I could do better, then I will, and I kinda refuse to post or do things unless
I put my all into it, and if I just started posting ramblings just for the sake of increasing
updates or the blog posts count, it wouldn't feel right, so I've been trying a lot to come up
with interesting shit to say, or even new ideas to bring to the site, but my mind right now
is a blank, which is not exactly a bad thing, but it doesn't help a lot either
But honestly, that's just a thing with life
Things just change, and the things you like following or even doing at one point just don't
feel like they fit you anymore, so you try to see why it's not working anymore, you force
yourself to try and enjoy it like you did back then, and it just doesn't work, so you just
move on, and try to do other things you might end up enjoying to fill the blank, yet at the
same time, you still feel like there's something missing, that maybe if you try harder, you
might end up getting it to work again, but at times, it's just a lost cause, and there's
little to nothing you can do about it
This goes for everything, from the things you like doing, the clothes you like to wear
The people you hang out with, and even the people you feel attracted towards
When you find a new passion, or even when you just feel like you've found that certain
someone, things just start to look and feel a little bit better, on that moment, you
get in your head that "this is where I want to go, this is what I want to do" and you just
just go along with it, but as the time goes on, things slow down, like everything in life does
And you just can't help but notice that things feel a little bit off, so you naturally try to
add new twists to old things, or even start to question yourself if what you have in mind right
now is really what you want for yourself in the long run, just like when working on a big
project, when you're first coming with ideas, everything looks and feels incredible, but once
things slow down and you start looking more into it, you just end up slowly losing interest on it
and you either slow things down, or just give up on the idea entirely
Once the adrenaline dries out, reality couldn't match what you were imagining while daydreaming
And you're probably thinking right now
"Well, if you lost the passion for it, it wasn't passion to begin with"
And I disagree, this notion of "if you stop loving it, you never loved it to begin with" will
always be bullshit to me since it pretty muich goes against everything us as species go by
We're ever-changing, always moving and always shifting, either our ideas, our interests
our passions, the people we hang out with, the way we act, the way we talk, our perception
of the world, and of ourselves, we're always changing about ourselves and our lifes
even if you don't notice, it's happening
And that kinda plays exactly with the topic of changing or straight up losing passions
In recent times, I've stopped calling myself an artist, and now I consider myself a writter
and I've said multiple times that I'd just give up on art entirely and never look back into it
because I felt my works simply didn't reflect my interest and my person, and no matter how much
I tried to change this, it simply did not work. but with writting, however, everything just clicked
It was the perfect way to show myself to the world, and the type of person I am, and at one point
I felt like this was simply my calling, this is what I was meant to do in life, I've always been
pretty verbose afterall, so instead of trying to focus on multiple things at the same time
I decided to leave art behind, and for a good while now, I haven't even tried to open a art program
and I've been either writting a lot of stuff, or just making stuff on HTML and CSS, and at others
I'd just be learning how to use the Linux Terminal and how to mess around with Linux features when
I had nothing better to do, and I've been pretty happy doing things, all things considered
However, ever since I met this one person, he inspired me to try and do art again, specially since
when talking with him, I was fumbling with my old tablet and I somehow, the thought of reading
instructions didn't go through my head before, so I did just that and I got it working again
And after a good while, I got my first real piece finished after a good while, and weirdly enough
I felt that weird urge to just fuck around with art once again, and I've been working on some stuff
on the background lately, but when it comes to writting, I've been just stuck in the same place
ever since, unable to find anything new and interesting to say
and this instantly reminded of the time I gave up on art, because I was unable to work or feel the
urge to sit down and draw anything anymore, now the same was happening again, except with writting
Maybe I just operate better in bringing new ideas when I'm feeling down
Maybe it's another slow week
Maybe that's just how it is
We're always moving and changing, for the most part, at least for me, not for the better
At one point, even your biggest passion can't cheer you up anymore, you start to feel like the
person you are, and the way you act simply do not fit your being anymore, and even the type of
people you like or even end up developing something for, just lose that magic they had in them
Doesn't mean you don't like doing these things, or even that you just gave up on people
Hell, it doesn't even mean you wouldn't want to try and start something with them anymore
But the magic either just doesn't feel the same, or it's just gone, and we either try again
or we simply just give up and move on, either because we changed or because things changed
And honestly, that's ok.
The world is interesting as it is because of the fact life and everything surrounding it is
changing on a daily basis, either we see it or don't
These developments keeps things interesting, and some of them end up being something truly
special in the long run, it might not be exactly what we wanted, but it might end up being
exactly what we needed
It's not good to wear rose-tinted glasses anyways
It's been a while, suckers
I've missed you all just as much as you've missed me
I'll try to bring some good stuff later, but as of now, trying is the best I can do
Feel free to call or contact me if you want, I'd love to hear from you
Until then, I hope you're having a good day
Peace be with you.
