Posted on August 11, 2022, 12:31
Last updated on August 11, 2022, 12:31
No, I'm not giving up on the site, it's actually the complete opposite, what I'm about
to do is going to give me the opportunity to work and do the things I want to do without
having to worry about everything falling apart the moment I'm actually enjoying my life
I'm making a change towards a better life
I'm absolutely tired of putting up with the shit of everyone around here, so I won't.
I'll move away from this house, and most likely will never talk to anyone in here again
because giving people so many chances when they clearly don't deserve it has fucked me
astronomically through my whole life and it continues to fuck me
You give people the chance to make up for the shit they've done wrong
You forgive them for things that should never be forgiven
But the only change is them shifting the blame towards you, because taking responsibility
and not being a terrible human being is too hard to be fucking accomplished
My frustration with the people around here and my living conditions got me thinking a lot
these past few days
Yesterday, my room was completely flooded due to the rain, like usual. and that's already
pretty fucking bad on it's own, but the fact I couldn't stop hearing the loud conversations
of strangers and my dad, since for some fucking reason, when most of the problematic people
have moved out of this house, he decides he should fill it with strange people, people that
I hate and they hate me, and this hate has been made very clear multiple times, but he keeps
insisting on trying to make me like them, and it's not going to happen
So last night was pratically just me, laying down on my sofa (I don't have a bed either)
staring at the ceiling and occasionally looking around the room, my phone was uncharged
my computer couldn't be turned on because of the rain, meaning that working on the website
was impossible, and I couldn't risk destroying the few equipment I still have, and overall
I was just feeling absolutely miserable, my mind was a blank.
But then, while looking around my bedroom, I ended up remembering about the painting I
hanged behind my desktop, a painting of a rocketship me and my mom painted together when
I was younger, and I couldn't stop looking at it, remembering everything my mom went through
in her life, many things that in a way, are the exact things I went and I'm still going through
Having her life essentially destroyed by a terrible partner
Living around terrible people and sticking around for no good reason
Destroying herself and giving up great opportunities on her own life when trying to help people
that won't ever do the same for her, surrounded by ungratefulness
She died trying to stand up for a shitty ground, a soil that had nothing to offer, but at the end
of the day, she was right about almost everything she predicted, specially when it came to "my
father being a piece of shit, and turning his back on me when I needed him the most"
Nowadays, she's my biggest inspiration in life, and at every chance I have, I try to follow her
steps and everything she could teach me, but I also need to learn when not to, and that learning
starts now.
I'm not going to beat myself over things I haven't done wrong anymore
I'm not going to give up doing the things I like because of awful people anymore
I'm going to finally take the shot, and hopefully change my life for the better
I'm still in the proccess of packing things up, throwing away what I don't need, and trying to
sort everything else out, and although I was initially resitant over asking anyone for favors
one of my cousins was kind enough to let me live with them for a while, at least until I sort
my shit out, so I'm going to swallow my pride and ego for a moment, and accept the help
I've certified myself that everything's going to be fine in here when it comes to my animals
since my current house has a lot of free space for them, I won't have to worry about my chickens
starving or anything, and I'll probably just visit from time to time to see how they're all doing
but I'm sure everything's going to be just fine, I've raised them well, and if any sort of opportunity
appears, I'm taking them with me
And once everything's sorted out, the website will probably be able to be updated with more frequency
due to me having a better workspace, more time, and a clearer head, so keep an eye for that, because
I have a lot of things in the backburner, just waiting to come out and surprise you all
As of right now, all I can say is; I'm happy.
If I couldn't keep myself down, nothing nor nobody will
I'll see you around.
